What to do when the mind is weak?

November is depressive (not taking into account the joy of being a mum of my gorgeous one-month-old boy). November is especially now REALLY depressive to me as I've got weight to loose and all I want to do is stay in and eat chocolate. My mates have said, that there is really now time hurry to try to loose the baby weight. I am in a hurry! I want to fit into my old jeans and not buy bigger ones.

Before I got pregnant I manage to loose almost 20 kg in almost a year. Changed my eating habits a bit but I mainly did it with walking, 40 minute brisk walk almost every day. Now I've only got 3rd of that weight to loose to get back to my pre-baby weight but it feels so damned hard. Mainly, because I'm craving for junk food, what feels like more than ever in my life!

I planned to start a diet today. By 10 am I already had finished rest of After eight- chocolates, which was left from the weekend. I just couldn't resist. So, I went for 1 1/2 hrs walk with pram. I'm knackered now. I've also been looking post natal exercise dvds I definitely will order and more importantly do! Clearly I'm weak and cannot do this with diet. I just need to get my fat ass moving!


I even put these encouraging slogans on fridge and kitchen cupboard doors with pre-baby weight photos of myself. So far - no result.

Boy, oh boy. You are a man.

My little boy is turning into a proper man already. He keeps me awake with his growling at night (yes, he doesn't cry when he has tummy pains, he growls!). Eventually he makes loud farts and poos into his nappy. Smelling there right next to me,he finally settles to sleep at five in the morning and wakes up at six to demand to have a drink!

He seems quite polite to his daddy, doesn't moan to him. But boy, does he whinge to me during the day. He should be all settled after a feed but he has to make this one loud cry, just to make me fuss over him.

I do everything for him, he keeps me on my toes, makes me doubt my ability as a good woman (well, good mother) and when I feel like giving up, he flashes me very charming little smile. And I'm absolutely smitten again. Men don't seem to change on the line from cradle to grave.

Giraffe boy and lady in leather

I'm amazed. I never knew how much I can do in an hour, how good I am in multi tasking and that I can make mash potato with one hand, not to mention to ignite the hob with my toes! That's motherhood for you (and baby who doesn't want to be put down. Bless his lil' cotton socks!).

Got my hair cut yesterday. " Dear hairdresser. I had baby 3 weeks ago. I haven't got time to do anything with my hair. I want it shorter. Lots of layers, feathered. Straight fringe as I don't have time to curl it every morning. Bit messy look, kind of like 80's rocker *grin*".

Sassy Samhain folks

Gosh, where to start. I always knew my life was going to change after having a baby but it seems there is no "I" anymore, nothing that "I" want to do or need. It's all about my little man, who decided earlier this week that he hates being put down or sleep on his own. Out of the window goes my principles of definitely not having him in our bed. Mummy needs her sleep and at the moment the only way she gets the luxury of few hour sleep at night, is having Eddie sleeping between me and my hubby.

I look like a mess. I haven't got the time to make myself look presentable when I go out. Maternity clothes are too big and my old clothes are bit too tight (jeans especially. Damned all the doughnuts I ate whilst pregnant). I lounge around in leggings and big cardigans. Just lovely.

My shoulders are in agony of carrying him around and sleeping in awkward positions. I've tried several slings to have hands free to do necessities like eating... still he is simply the best thing ever happened to me. Such a joy fills my heart just looking at him.

I think it's going to take a little bit of time for my new life to get on tracks. Hopefully I'll soon have some time and free hands to update my blog more often but until then I'm just going to enjoy my sleep deprived, baby puke smelling and cuddle filled life.

But blessed Samhain (Halloween that is) to everyone from Mrs and Eddie Munster :)

Boob or not to boob

I've officially been mummy now for a week and I'm loving it. We went through bit of a rough patch earlier this week, when me and my boy had to be re-admitted to the hospital. I was initially breast feeding but obviously wasn't very "milky" as my boy was loosing weight too much. After a heart aching decision and lots of tears, I decided to just bottle feed. My lil' lad is happy and getting chubbier. I'm more relaxed and can finally just enjoy looking after my handsome son, rather than worrying.

There is such a pressure to breast feed, even if you are physically unable to! I'm just trying to see the pros to make me feel better about it and so far have found quite a few:
- I can start wearing my normal tops (and I've got few new awesome ones, that I'm itching to wear) instead of nursing friendly ones
- I can get my next tattoo done sooner than I thought (big yeah for this one)
- I can actually go out for few hours and leave my husband to look after his son (done it already!)
- I MIGHT go to see Quireboys ( awesome, awesome band!) with my husband in December as I can have my lil one's nan to look after him.
Then again, how could I leave something as cute as this home just to go to see a
band? I don't think I could...

Lot of pain for the best thing ever

He is finally here. My son, Eddie.

I have to say labour was not anything I expected. I had prepared myself with hypnotherapy, maximum relaxation and minimal pain killer requirement. Yeah right!

My contractions started on Wednesday night at ten. Quite mild at first but coming regularly every 20 minutes. I couldn't sleep. I was feeling excited and as the contractions became stronger, very achy. I phoned my midwife in the morning just to make sure, I was heading towards the labour (and not having just odd stomach cramps). I was warned that this stage might last for quite a while. And it did.

I attached myself to TENs machine around 2 pm (lovely little electric shocks to ease the pain). Kept myself busy watching films with my husband and just pottering around the house. At 6 pm the contractions were 5 minutes apart lasting good 60 seconds. I phoned the delivery suite and they told me there was no point coming in until contractions were 3 minutes apart. So I waited. At 8 pm, I made my way to the hospital feeling rather anxious.

10 pm I felt I just couldn't cope with the pain. After discussing with the midwife, that I really wasn't there to score points, I agreed to have pain killer injection. I sent me off with the fairies and helped me to catch some sleep. Contractions became stronger and at 2 am I was having onto gas & air like it was my life line. Fair a bit of shouting and certainly entertaining my hubby and the midwife talking like I was properly drunk.

16/10 5 am. Finally fully dilated and ready to push. I was not prepared for it at all. The weirdest and have to say, most horrendous sensation in the world. So far I had been fairly in control of the situation and my hubby had been the best possible birthing partner. On the pushing stage I completely lost it! I was screaming my head off, crying my eyes out and asking the midwife just do anything to get the baby out ( I had a fantastic midwife). My hubby looked helpless and he is rather traumatised by it, as am I. Occasionally I felt passing out. Little bit before 6 am when I thought I was going to die there and then, I felt the head ( how in earth do babies fit to come out is beyond me!) and what felt like a marathon, I did one more push. I saw my husband wiping tears from his eyes and heard the baby crying. Our son had finally arrived!

One without a name

Come out little one.
We will keep you safe and sound.
Love you forever and more.
Protect you with our lives.
Guide you to our best knowledge.

Come out little one.
We cannot wait to meet you.

Belly 40 weeks and a day. Lil' Munster in no hurry to be born.